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This Land is My Land, too

October 9, 2010

If you are family, don’t read this one. Feeling a little blue today, the blue blood of heart disease I guess.

This journey with heart disease is complicated. It is devastating on the one hand, threatening the very beat of our hearts, and so life affirming on the other hand as it has given me an appreciation for life I have had before. The many stages and the progression of acceptance and rebellion continue. Carolyn Thomas has described it in a beautiful way today on her bog. Here is the link to today’s post,

It brought to my mind another John Denver song, “I’m Sorry.”

Some of the words are, “I’m sorry for the way things are in China. I’m sorry things aren’t what they use to be. More than anything else, I’m sorry for myself…”

I was reading in Ornish’s book Spectrum this morning where he talks about the steps of his recommended lifestyle changes. He says they are not about giving things up, but embracing things; how it is not about the fear of dying, but the joy of living. That sums up my feelings so well. I do not want to leave those I love. I do not want them to have to grieve for me or to have to learn to live without me. I know they will one day, but not now, not for a long time. I want thousands of days with them. I want decades of birthdays and holidays and days in between. I want anniversaries and second and third and forth honeymoons. I love my life. I love living. Every part of it. Even spongy cornbread.

John Denver singing the tear-jerker, “I’m Sorry.”


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